Driving home from work one night recently, Michael Jackson's song, "You Are Not Alone," comes on the radio, and almost on cue, a spider also appears from out of nowhere and begins running around on the dash of my car, closer to the passenger side, but making its way over to my side. I have always loved that song, but hearing it in this scenario, seemingly for the purpose of announcing that I definitely was not alone, was extremely daunting. Like so many people, I have Arachnophobia, which is a terrible fear of spiders, so, of course, I panicked.
I also have Awrecknophobia, which is my own made-up word that means “a terrible fear of a car wreck.”
I knew I could not let a spider, which had turned me in to a wreck, cause me to have a wreck; however, I DID contemplate the situation for a few seconds. “What’s worse – to have an accident or have a spider end up on ME?” I asked myself. I wasn’t worried about being bitten by the intruder - I just didn’t want it anywhere on my body, period!
Since I knew that I didn’t want to injure myself in a car crash or, worse, injure someone else, I tried to maintain my composure as I continued driving down Birmingham’s Interstate 65. Keeping my right foot on the gas pedal, my left hand on the steering wheel, and my eyes on both the road AND the spider alternately, I managed to get my left shoe off with my free hand while still traveling down the interstate at a somewhat slower speed. I took a hit at the small, creepy creature with my shoe twice, missing it both times! It was too fast for me as it cleverly darted away from my shoe each time.
“This spider is beating me at this impromptu game,” I thought angrily. “I can’t keep hitting at it while trying to drive! It’s not safe.”
So, off the interstate I pull and come to a complete stop on the side of the highway. The spider sat there, not making a move for several split seconds, giving me time to prepare my aim. Bam! I took another strike at it with my shoe, but missed once again, helplessly watching it disappear into a vent on the dash of the car. Waiting a few seconds to see if this unwelcome visitor would stay hidden, I decided that it was tucked away for the remaining duration of the trip, and that it was safe to pull back on the road and continue on my way home.
As soon as I got back on the highway, the spider immediately came out of the vent and sat on top of the dash again, and I’m sure if I could have gotten a close enough look at its face, I would have seen a mischievous grin as it celebrated the fact that it had quickly gained control of this situation. So, I pulled off a 2nd time, and, you guessed it, as soon as the car stopped moving, the spider crawled back down in the vent! I pulled back on the highway and started moving a third time, and out it comes again . . . back off the highway, and its back down in the vent again!!
Meanwhile, Michael Jackson's voice is still ringing out clearly over the radio. Are you playing a joke on me, Michael? If you are, you are NOT FUNNY, I thought to myself as his voice continued to chime out the beautiful melody and words, "You are not alone, I am here with you," etc. I am also now saying a few words of my own . . . words that I don't normally use and won't repeat here.
“Well, if it has to be while I am driving, then so be it,” I said out loud. I took a deep breath and pulled back on the road. I then asked God to, first, forgive my language, and, second, steady my hand on the steering wheel as I try to kill this spooky spider while driving. The arachnid crawled out of the vent as usual, but finally came close enough to my side so that I was able to smack it an umpteenth time with my shoe. WHAM! I actually hit my target this time, but STILL didn't kill it! The spider was able to disappear into that vent again but, thank goodness, never came back out this time. Mission accomplished!
When I finally arrived home and explained to my parents why I had been delayed, they understood perfectly. After all, I was their 56 year-old daughter. This was not the first time they had heard me complain about spiders and how they terrify me. Dad, who never likes to kill ANY creatures (except for the time HE was panicked and killed a rattlesnake, but that’s another story) because he says they are all God’s creations and serve their own unique purposes, said to me, “That spider was probably just as scared of you as you were of it.” “Somehow, I doubt that,” I said to myself, “and as far as its purpose, the only purpose that spider had that night was to scare me to the core – which it did!”
Then, another appropriate song, which was popular in the 70s, popped in my head – “I Don’t Like Spiders and Snakes!” to which Michael Jackson, having the final word, replied, “YOU ARE NOT ALONE!”
Can I get an “Amen?”